Monday, December 17, 2012

storm

Raindrops streaming down
echoing on the roof
an unfamiliar sound.

Thick black clouds
a dark curtain
drifting behind the palm trees.

The typically bright blue sky
and sun that never wanes
now lost in a gray haze.


3 comments:

  1. I felt bad for being sick and missing class last week, so I wrote one over the weekend :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Aw, don't feel bad, it's good you're better now :) And I'm quite excited for the party this weekend! Thanks for posting, I like the topic of the poem and that your speaker observes the rain in this manner. I like the colors that emanate from the second and third stanzas especially; "black" (4), "bright blue" (7). The visual connection of the words to each stanza is pretty appealing, and the poem has a good balance with the three lined stanzas. The image of the "black clouds" (4) as a "dark curtain" (5) is really interesting. The only thing I'd say about revision, is to leave out the last stanza. I remember Gabby talking about cropping with the people she was editing with, but I honestly avoid it/ will not bring it up unless I really feel something has a chance to benefit from it as I feel here. I see your point however with "enjoy every raindrop" (12), but I can definitely get that perspective from the speaker's observations and the colorful sensory experience :)

    Looking forward to doing more writing tomorrow!

    -Tara

    ReplyDelete