Yellow leaves crunch beneath rubber soles;
Rain drizzles down on frizzy hair
Grey skies protect all around and we
Taste water in the air
Yellow burns orange on sunny days
And set the neighbourhood aflame
We find that we take different paths,
We talk the shadows down by none
The light attempts to stream through clouds,
The struggle wars through gloomy skies
But soon it breaks through cumulus wisps
Of water vapor blocking light
Yellow falls with orange and brown
With gravity as their gentle aid
They sail on by unnotised and rest
Brazen and unafraid.
Hello Gabby,
ReplyDeleteThank you for participating in our last class :). I think you successfully incorporate the overall corporeal experience of fall, primarily with the animation of colors. Different shades of warmth are purveyed well throughout each stanza: “Yellow leaves crunch” (1), Grey skies” (3), “Yellow burns” (5). The first two stanzas enter into the poem with color and animation, and this is a theme that seems to persist throughout the poem.
The image that resolves the poem with a “sail” (15) supplies a sense of “rest” (15) that concludes the last stanza. The poem has a good overall sense of structure due to the even line length and count per stanza. The title of the poem resonates very well with the persona of fall, and the way “gravity” has a hand in the autumn transition, literally and figuratively. There’s a lot of light related imagery in the poem also, which fits in well with the colorful descriptions. I appreciate the third stanza the most, as I think it has a lot of aesthetic qualities. I like the sounds of most of the words; the visual descriptions are unconventional and intuitive.
The last stanza draws a functional conclusion for the poem, I think, and successfully includes the poem’s title in the mix: “With gravity as their gentle aid” (14). There’s an indication of stillness after the animated leaves make their way towards ground level which also serves the poem well as a last line.
Thanks again, and hopefully you’ll continue to join us in the future as we find ourselves writing random bits of poetry, sharing bits we like, or experiencing random writing prompts.
-Tara