the tranquil lake lies deeply embedded within the mountains
on the shore is a parade of lights
the cool breeze
washing over my face
listening to the quiet voices of the lake
soothing melodies of light dance off the gentle waves in the
comforting night
the dark energy mesmerizes all that stop to listen
breathe deeply
listen
let the power permeate your skin
natures' medicine is the cure to all ailments
invigorating emotion
feeling
peace
Hello Chris,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing :). I like how you chose to structure this poem in one stanza, and that the lines differ in each. It’s interesting that you did choose to create a contrasting response to the writing prompt, and that you instead chose to write about a place that humans have not interfered with. I think it’s an interesting contrast to consider with the poetry we’ve written that discusses nature’s human-created “ailments” (11).
I like the diction in the poem: “dark energy mesmerizes” (7), “soothing melodies of light dance” (6). The descriptions pay homage to the title, “My Serene Place,” which I think, strongly includes the reader in this landscape and transports them to it. When reading your poem, I can feel several pausations throughout: “voices of the lake…” (5), “comforting night” (6), “stop to listen” (7). While reading, I can sense the calm silence that is present in these natural surroundings. I appreciate the way “listen” (7) is a word and concept repeated throughout. As the reader, I make an effort to pause after each mention and I think your choice for repetition creates a good rhythm throughout the poem.
I think your speaker communicates the tone of your poem very successfully, and that it does so in an unabrasive, calming manner: “soothing melodies of light dance off the gentle waves in the comforting night” (6). The tone specifically seems to drive the poem, aside from the peaceful observations on the part of the landscape’s descriptions.
I look forward to our next prompt, and keep writing :).
-Tara