Listen to the water
following down the path
where will it take you
Through the trees
to a meadow
winding back and forth
over rocks
Fish swim through the stream
leaves float on top
flowing with the water
to a place it does not know
Off in the distance
something stirs
hiding in the trees and brush
slowly stepping out
to find the stream
to wet its thirsty mouth
cautious as it moves
to step into the water
A deer, who's shy
like an old friend
almost forgotten
You wonder where she'll go
leaving behind the bubbling stream
you follow
to see where she calls home
both of us together
disappear
into the trees
Hello Jessi,
ReplyDeleteThanks for posting this and for sharing it during the workshop. It was a really positive experience seeing what everyone was able to come up with during that short time! I appreciate how your poem resonates with the area around your speaker and how she reacts to the life and movement around her.
The poem takes us on a journey that originates from a stream of consciousness response. I think the perspective given in the poem creates a new and natural world of its own. I mentioned for everyone responding to the prompt, to involve their corporeal senses. From the first line of the poem, a bodily sensation is already included: “Listen to the water” (1). We as the audience are urged to hear the running water, and I appreciate this reaction since it is also the initial reaction on the part of the speaker that must be made in order to acknowledge this river. The structure of the poem works really well with the content that follows as we are indeed “following down the path” (2) wherever it will take us. The poem is written in a long, vertical stanza that depicts the lengthy run of a river. I think structure aids the material in this aspect. We as readers are made to not only see the poem and its relationship to the river, but also to feel its quickness across the water-bank with its long, narrow structure.
I appreciate the image of the meadow and that the line “winding back and forth” (6) is also incorporated with the content and structure of the poem's alternating lines. All forms of life are considered in the poem which is a positive part of assessing ecosystems: “Fish swim” (8), “trees” (4), “deer, who's shy” (20), “you” (25) and the speaker who observes “like an old friend” (21). The material focuses on the environment around the speaker, but also lets the speaker become involved in it with an observant point of view. The speaker is not obtrusive, but seems to be curious instead.
There's specificity with capitalization in the poem, and the flowing rhythm of the poem that continues without pause-- literally and fundamentally as the poem does not have much punctuated speech. The poem seems to indicate that the reader is meant to see with the speaker's eyes through a non-intrusive, observant lens, but the poem itself seems to also be a welcoming invitation for the reader to “Follow.” The tone of the poem is as mentioned-- welcoming, observant, and also empathetic as the speaker considers the thoughts of other forms of life around her.
The poems we read this Monday incorporate heavy visual description and consideration of water; I think you successfully touched base with recognizing these attributes. I look forward to what the next exercise will bring and seeing where it will take you :)
-Tara