I walk and follow the sound of the river
many birds, small animals
and sounds I've never heard.
I paused,
something flashes.
I don't know what it was.
It looked like many animal
A frog, a fox, a seal, and a dragon.
That's where I heard the small animal sound.
I tried to follow it
but it was to fast.
All the sudden I saw my mom
help,
help again.
I followed it
but again it was to fast.
Soon I got sleepy
I was in the Things cave.
In my bag I had a lock pick
I got my mom out
I ran.
We stayed in our house forever
The thing found us
and ate us.
No one saw the Thing or us again.
Erin Murphy-Age 10
I'm so proud of her, and her participation in the class. She loves writing, and it seems to be something she is good at. I want to encourage her creativity, and let her explore new things. I really like the writing prompt, and I think it will be something I have her do more often. I love her use of words, and the direction she took the story in. I look forward to next weeks class, and I think she does too. Thanks for letter her participate.
ReplyDeleteIt's definitely neat to see her participating, and I can also see her creativity being spurred throughout the day as she shares drawings or other thoughts with us. You both have a knack for putting your creativity to good use and like I mentioned earlier, actually sitting down and making something of it. I loved having her participate in the class! Lots of fun seeing new perspectives and hearing about the Ominous "Thing!"
ReplyDeleteHello Erin,
ReplyDeleteThank you for letting us post this to the blog :) Also, thank you for being willing to participate! It was a positive experience having another perspective with us during the exercise.
I appreciate how both you and Chris incorporate certain aspects of horror and suspense into your responses; it creates contrast and variety in responding to the prompt. The first thing I notice about the poem is how the speaker is included directly into the experience of things: “I walk and follow the sound” (1). It's great also, how a primary corporeal sense is already mentioned: “sound” (1). The speaker is aware of her environment and assesses several living things as part of the scene: “birds, small animals” (2) and “many animals” (7). I sense an inkling of mythology or high-fantasy as “The Thing” is represented in the poem. The beast is not simply an animal, but in combination forms a fantastic mythological hybrid: “A frog, a fox, a seal, and a dragon” (8). The beast adds much suspense to the poem and gives the tone of the material a sense of urgency to see where the events will lead us; the structure of the poem also pulls the eye down the page and works well with each descriptive line.
There's another reality that becomes present in the poem towards the second half where the speaker includes her mother in the suspenseful events. I appreciate the specific narration, feel of adventure, and the indication of time over a short diachronic span-- as mentioned while in the “cave” (18). It's fun to see and experience the river discovery and how things unfold which ultimately leads the reader to an unconventional conclusion: “No one saw the Thing or us again” (25). This conclusion reminds me of “The Brother's Grimm” fairy-tales due to your willingness to create an ending that is unexpected, and perhaps more realistic than a medieval-knight-in-shining-armor-rides-off-into-the-sunset occurrence.
Thanks again for sharing, and you are always welcome to participate in our class exercises to see the random and worthwhile things that we might surmount :)
-Tara