"A light catches somewhere, finds human spirit to burn on...it dwells: slowly the light, its veracity unshaken, dies but moves to find a place to break out elsewhere; this light, tendance, neglect is human concern working with what is." - A. R. Ammons
Monday, October 15, 2012
Avis
Air
flowing air around me.
I feel the wind rushing
and smell the pine below me.
COLD.
rush of frigid air lifts me higher.
Thank you for posting yesterday :) We mentioned several things while Jessi and I spoke to you about your poem. I think there are a few things left to be mentioned, or at least summarized. We already stated your title and the way you choose to title your poems is unique. You chose the word “Avis,” which means “bird” in Latin. Furthermore, the title and the first word of your poem really visually correlate. The word “Avis” is very visually similar to the word “Air” (1) because of its make up, and this creates a small and internal sort of riddle for the reader to unravel. One thing I'd like to do that I didn't get a chance to yesterday, is to challenge you to consider textual boundaries; do you set them for yourself because of your active choices to implement foreign word titles, or is this a way that you step out of boundaries by choosing a unique title? That might be something to think about.
There's also a visual rhyme scheme or pattern present in the poem, in the second stanza. There you have “me” (2) which is repeated in the fourth line, “me,” and then the verb “rushing” (3) seems to correlate with “higher” (6) which is adjectival. Your poem really emphasizes the concept of freedom, open spaces and inhibition. The perspective or speaker seems to be from a bird, one that truly enjoys being an animal of flight. Your humanization of the bird with this perspective in which you are empathetic, personifies this bird who is also our subject.
There's a lot of open space created within each line of the poem which seems to work well with the content. You have space around “Air” (1), “Free” (7), “Boundless” (8), and “Alive” (9). You choicely use capitalization throughout the poem; I see you use all caps for the word “COLD” (5) and capitalize the first letter of the last three lines of the poem. I think these are topics that were meant to be focused on, and that each word was meant to be emphasized for circumstance and character. There's a focus on sensory details here in the poem which helps give this bird a life of its own: “feel the wind” (3), “smell the pine” (4), “COLD” (5), “Alive” (9). Your last word especially, focuses on the act of living and existing.
You mentioned earlier that we have missed something in your poem, have I caught it yet? You do a good job of using structure to support the content in your poem. Thank you for writing, and also, for choosing an eco-related theme. I look forward to reading more from you :)
Hello Chris,
ReplyDeleteThank you for posting yesterday :) We mentioned several things while Jessi and I spoke to you about your poem. I think there are a few things left to be mentioned, or at least summarized. We already stated your title and the way you choose to title your poems is unique. You chose the word “Avis,” which means “bird” in Latin. Furthermore, the title and the first word of your poem really visually correlate. The word “Avis” is very visually similar to the word “Air” (1) because of its make up, and this creates a small and internal sort of riddle for the reader to unravel. One thing I'd like to do that I didn't get a chance to yesterday, is to challenge you to consider textual boundaries; do you set them for yourself because of your active choices to implement foreign word titles, or is this a way that you step out of boundaries by choosing a unique title? That might be something to think about.
There's also a visual rhyme scheme or pattern present in the poem, in the second stanza. There you have “me” (2) which is repeated in the fourth line, “me,” and then the verb “rushing” (3) seems to correlate with “higher” (6) which is adjectival. Your poem really emphasizes the concept of freedom, open spaces and inhibition. The perspective or speaker seems to be from a bird, one that truly enjoys being an animal of flight. Your humanization of the bird with this perspective in which you are empathetic, personifies this bird who is also our subject.
There's a lot of open space created within each line of the poem which seems to work well with the content. You have space around “Air” (1), “Free” (7), “Boundless” (8), and “Alive” (9). You choicely use capitalization throughout the poem; I see you use all caps for the word “COLD” (5) and capitalize the first letter of the last three lines of the poem. I think these are topics that were meant to be focused on, and that each word was meant to be emphasized for circumstance and character. There's a focus on sensory details here in the poem which helps give this bird a life of its own: “feel the wind” (3), “smell the pine” (4), “COLD” (5), “Alive” (9). Your last word especially, focuses on the act of living and existing.
You mentioned earlier that we have missed something in your poem, have I caught it yet? You do a good job of using structure to support the content in your poem. Thank you for writing, and also, for choosing an eco-related theme. I look forward to reading more from you :)
-Tara