Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Sabre
The wind blows past my face. I hear the birds stop tweeting and an eerie calm takes hold. The light grows dim and the wind picks up. A slow growl is heard from the bushes. I stumble backwards and trip on a wet stone. My heart races as I pull myself up and run towards safety. I see something flicker and the growling picks up. All around me the low droning and now... a smell... It smells like acrid flesh. I feel a sudden surge of anxiety as I run. My heart feels as though it will burst from my chest. And there is it, this... thing. It stands on 2 feet with large hairy arms. It's face distorted with a snarl. Two large teeth jut from it's mouth. It runs towards me, but I hear a voice I recognize and I run towards it. It feels as though I'm running deeper into the forest, but the voice leads me on. I burst through the trees into a clearing as everything comes together. In the clearing is what seems to be a village of these things. The voice I know is there. And we are both the main course.
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Hello Chris,
ReplyDeleteThank you for posting :) I wanted to first mention, that we seem to have here is prose. I know you stated that your poem appears to be a short-short story, but if you take a look at the explanation of the form and structure of prose, I think you'll find it to be a good match. Your poem is dialogic and the tone is observant, suspenseful and casual. Your text appears as a big block of text, which is also indicative of prose. The content which entails narration and an observant speaker is clothed in an essayist's manner, and I think sets the reader up for the unexpected and for a little bit of disarmed horror. As I mentioned with Erin's poem, it's great to see different perspectives float around as a result from this exercise. I appreciate that you both were able to take this exercise in a different direction, and perhaps let other aspects of your consciousness express the environment around this river.
I appreciate the way the speaker is not only physically involved in this happening, but also emotionally invested: “I feel a sudden surge of anxiety” (5-6), “My heart feels as though it will burst from my chest” (6). Despite the appearance of the text on page, the reader is still put in suspense by the chaotic events and we perhaps experience a little of the fear the speaker is trying to place. The descriptions are unclouded and simple, and the punctuated speech lets the reader pause just enough to experience the havoc. There are other sensations relevant in the poem such as: “I see something flicker” (4), “It smells like acrid flesh” (5) and “I hear” (8). I think it's the description of the chaotic events however, that bring the poem to life: “I stumble backwards and trip on a wet stone” (3). If ever you experience the happening of a short-tailed gar, relevant to Terry Goodkind's Sword of Truth series, I think you'll understand why I find this entry nostalgic :)
It's great how the events keep a continual rhythm throughout the poem, and how from the very beginning, the speaker draws us into his world. I didn't notice the meaning of the title until the very end. The ending here is also unconventional, and leads the reader into more suspense. Due to this, the conclusion feels solid regardless of the cliffhanger notion. I think, to be inceptionist, that it would be neat to experience a small moment of havoc in this scene and see it be drawn out completely-- with only a moment of sound. In order for a split second to be drawn out and relayed, it would make sense not to hear anything at all and maybe the reader could live vicariously through the speaker in seeing this small moment in slow motion. You do a good job of expressing chaos and lots of movement, so maybe it would be fun to see this contrasting perspective within the one you've already made. Also, it's neat to see how you give your creature its own identity: Sabre. There's a unique sense of fear concerning the unknown, but there could be just as much given that the speaker is aware of just how much danger he could be in.
It was fun to see your response and I look forward to seeing what you will share during our next exercise :)
-Tara